Mario Balotelli jokes!

Remember the Andy Carroll jokes? Well i've stumbled upon some Mario Balotelli jokes on the net, and i'm in a merry mood to share 'em around! Plus, it's a good excuse to put up this picture:

That fine lady, is the WAGS (or WOGS?) of Balotelli, dear readers. ONE OF THEM, to be precise. So now go cry in the corner of your room and reflect upon your life on why you would never gonna tap an ass like that, but Balotelli would time and again.

First of all, Mario the thinker:
Mario’s thoughts on Fireworks:
The more you can store in one bathroom the better.

Mario’s thoughts on Halloween:
Get a pumpkin, put it on your head and hide in a wardrobe. It can take a while for the reveal but the rewards are worth it.

Mario’s thoughts on Sir Alex Ferguson:
He’d look hilarious strapped to a mountain board on the M6 behind my Ferrari…

Mario’s thoughts on marriage:
How many Playboy chicks could you fit down one aisle? Has anyone ever tried that?

Mario’s thoughts on Manchester:
A great place to store tyres. You’ll see what they’re for in good time…

Manchester City dick Mario Balotelli has confirmed that despite a summer of rest, he still intends to continue his streak of being a dick long into the 2011-12 Premier League season. The player was substituted this weekend after trying what can only be described as a ‘piece of crap’ in front of goal whilst taking on LA Galaxy in a pre-season friendly. Instant replays showed Roberto Mancini uttering the phrase ‘**&$$! you &&+”$$**** what a &&%$$*** waste of &&^%**** money.’

Want away Manchester City striker Mario Balotelli has left 15 years worth of England backroom staff absolutely gobsmacked, after claiming the reason he doesn’t celebrate goals is because he feels ‘it’s a strikers job to score.’ Having closely studied the rule book since, current England boss Fabio Capello immediately apologised to the public for picking forwards based on their ability to win headers, fall over and miss penalties.
The Italian coach said ‘I feela embarrassed. Whya no one tell me this? I thoughta we beata the Germany because we fall over more. Now I see whya FIFA say we out.’ Capello went on to suggest that if more managers were aware about Balotelli’s revelation Emile Heskey would probably be a ‘really good plumber right about now.’
The ex Inter Milan star Balotelli is said to be homesick in Manchester and City boss Roberto Mancini has blamed his poor attitude on the fact he’s struggling to settle in Manchester. He told press ‘if you had to live in Manchester everyday you’d probably wear the same expression. Mario based his move on the fact that he liked Oasis. But like most Oasis fans when he got a bit closer he realised that he shouldn’t like Oasis. Because it’s all a bit samey and s***.

Balotelli suffers from what psychologists call “Nicklas Bendtner syndrome” – Mario genuinely believes he’s the best player the world has ever seen.