Barcelona 0 - 1 Real Madrid In Game Reaction.

So it's 20 minutes to go to the conclusion of the biggest game so far, and the results stands at 1 - 1. Most would tell you that this game isn't merely a football game. It's war. It's politic. It's the biggest possible cultural divide as wide possible you can ever imagine. Yet, i felt that i have seen one of these 'games' so many.

Really, sometimes it felt like a glorified playground feud.

So what happened so far? Given that i started writing this entry in the 69th minute mark, i can say it's pretty much like every other El Classico games you've seen before. Khedira scored to put Real in front after on;y 17th minute. You can take a guess what happens next. It's either a) Real Madrid would go on to control the game, denying Barcelona the chance to get back in; or b) Real Madrid would ride dangerously on waves after waves of Barcelona attack, which eventually leads to an equalizer. Well guys, if you've chosen a), you've never seen an El Classico before.

Barcelona equalized through Alexis Sanchez in the 69th minute, after a mix up in the Real defence. Sanchez has come on for Xavi just two minutes before, making his impact immediately felt. However, only two minute after the restart, Real immediately launched a counter attack and Ronaldo was put clean through to score a goal in 72nd minute, a nicely taken goal that goes against the round of play.

82nd minute. Benzema wasted a chance to put Real two goals up when he chose to shoot from outside the box rather that pass the ball to his teammates in a potentially decisive counter attack. Real Madrid has taken an almost perverse pleasure in defending against the tiki-taka of the Barcelona's midget, and they are doing it quite nicely at the moment.

87th minute. Real and Barcelona have been trading non-existent blows for a few minutes now, quite a rare occurrence.Barcelona are getting desperate, not something that we are accustomed too. Instead of the usual patience play, they are resorting to their speed demons to get behind Real attacks now. Real looks likely to win, giving Mourinho his first win in Nou Camp in like forever, and his first La Liga victory against Barcelona.

94th minute. The final whistle. The scene of jubilation for Real fans as Real jumped seven points clear with four games to go. It do seems like Mourinho 'second season' has started to click into place. What is in store for these two teams next? If the two giants of European football managed to overcome their semi final first leg conquerors, this game would merely serve as the preview into - you guessed it - the biggest game of the century, the fucking El Classico Champions League final.

Chelsea 1 - 0 Barcelona, after match reaction.

To tell you the truth, i didn't watch the match. I only watch the delayed telecast due to me having an actual job. However, watching a replay didn't take the shine off this match. What i watch is a great-ish  game of two teams who plays differently - one by nature, the other by necessity.

As you have probably know by now Chelsea won the game 1-0, the solitary goal scored by that mountain of a man Drogba. Let's get the fact straight. Drogba's attempt was Chelsea only shot on target. Compared that to Barcelona's onslaught of Chelsea's goal throughout the game, and you'll have an idea what kind of game it is. Messi's dribbles, Xavi's constant probing and support from Iniesta and Sanchez results in some desperate defending by Terry and co.

When all else fails, he impersonate a seal to try to take them off balance.

Deep down, we know that Barcelona won't give any quarters in the second leg. They got the home advantage, and we know that they're gonna totally wallop Chelsea because, you know, they're effing Barcelona. As a neutral, i pine for Chelsea to survive those attacks. So the rest of the world has some hope. That Barcelona can be beaten. That somehow, Chelsea could wipe that smug smirk off their faces.

C'mon, you know you want to.

I have this opinion, that Chelsea can really beat Barcelona. What they need to do is to play the game of their live - and then repeat it two weeks later. But in a real world, that is pretty far fetched. The first Barcelona game is sandwiched between two London derby,and who to say that they will be in peak physical condition in Nou Camp?

For now, let's enjoy the brief moment where the Barcelona footballing gods fell. Remember - they will rise back up, probably within next game. But for now there's hope for the rest of the world.

Messi can be stopped. Barcelona can be beaten.

And Drogba can be excused for as many bad celebrations as he want.

Man United 4-0 Aston Villa

So this is a must win game for the Devils. Manchester City is breathing down their necks, only two points separating them. At the time of writing, the game is in it's fourth minute into the second half and Manchester United in two goals up against a goalless Villa.

So what's been happening in the first half? Rooney converted a penalty that results from Ashley Young's dive, and Welbeck scored a clinical poacher's goal. So it's a standard Manchester United 2011-2012 performance - not particularly good, that is. They haven't been able to boss the midfield properly, the side looks out of its depth, the defence looks panicky at times and Rooney didn't manage to stamp his authority on the match.

One conclusion so far from this match is that the first goal validates that Young is a serial diver. There was almost no contact made. It made me wonder, did Sir Alex inadvertently bought and nurture a succession of divers (Cristiano, Nani, now Young?). Anyway, take a look at these pics.

One dive..

The dive last week..

Another illogical dive..

He eventually gain this superpower.

Nothing particularly important happens from the moment i start this entry up to now, that is the 58th minutes mark. It's not really tight between the sides. Ashley Young is substituted at 60th minute mark, his place taken by Nani. He proceed to start on a dribble that ends up nowhere.

63rd minute - Ciaran Clark is substituted for - whoa, he's still playing - Emile Heskey. It seems that he have an instant impact, forcing a save from De Gea with an excellent header a couple minutes after his introduction. Two minutes later (67th), Rooney would miss a shot after being set up nicely by Valencia's cross.

So both sides exchange attacks without any real threat on the opposition's goal. In the 71st minutes, Aston Villa were given a corner, which Nathan Baker dully head across United's goal.

73rd minute - GOOOOOOOOAAALL!! After a neat exchange between Nani, Welbeck, Rooney and Valencia, United is three goals in front through a neat Rooney's try. Really, I'm almost certain that was the first time United manage to string a few passes together in the second half. That goal ultimately is Rooney's final contribution to the game as he is eventually substituted for Dimitar Berbatov.

Tom Cleverley were introduced into the game in the 77th minute, replacing Paul Scholes. One corner kick later, Shay Given made a save with his face when a Welbeck shot deflected off a Villa defender. Really. It was almost a comedy goal.

On the 80th minute, Given produced a superb save from a Valencia's shot that bounced off the ground. One has to question Mancini's decision in letting him go. Shay Given, in spite of United three goals, is probably the one Villa player who leave this game with some dignity.

In the dying minute, United scored their fourth goal through Nani. Johnny Evans (surprisingly) thread a beautiful through pass on which Nani is lashing too to score his first goal in aeons. From the restart, United manage to craft another attack, where Tom Cleverley fluff a shot over the bar, denying him of his first United goal.

So the end result is Man United 4, Aston Villa nil. United manage to muddle through this test of nerve without playing particularly well, and they sits pretty atop the EPL table. Five points separated them from Manchester City, and it looks like the fight for the title would come to a conclusive climax in Etihad.

Game on.

John Terry jokes!

I refuse to say too much about John Terry. There's the racist incident, the whole Wayne Bridge's ex affair, the criticism, the England mutiny.. I just refuse to comment on a man who is made out by the media to be the (new) whole roots of England's problem.
Still, the whole Terry fracas did create a whole lot of John Terry's jokes. Unlike Andy Carroll jokes which mainly are puns of him being so useless and expensive, John Terry jokes are mainly about his infidelity. Unfortunately, this means Wayne Bridge were often the not-so-obvious butt of some of these jokes. Anyway, let's enjoy the JT jokes.

* A Chelsea player is stopped for speeding at 130mph in a 30mph zone. When the police ask him to explain, he says: "I've just heard John Terry is parked outside my house."
* After Wayne Bridge refused to play for England while John Terry remains captain, fans are now urging JT to try it on with Emile Heskey's wife.
* Chant heard at Burnley v Wigan: "Same old Terry, always cheating."

* John Terry has been lined up to star in a new ITV drama. It's called Other Footballers' Wives.* John Terry has announced he's lost his England captain's armband. Fabio Capello told him to ask Wayne Bridge to check under the bed.
* What do Wayne Bridge and the Titanic have in common? They both should've stayed at Southampton.
* John Terry is to release a charity single - it's a version of The Cars' My Best Friend's Girl.
* His follow-up will be Under The Bridge.
* What has Vanessa Perroncel got in common with a Champions League final goalpost? They've both been banged by John Terry...
* Chant heard at Hull v Chelsea: "Chelsea, Wherever you may be, Don't leave your wife with John Terry. Cos he likes a shag, he likes a bit of fluff, And he'll get your missus up the duff".
* We all knew John Terry liked scoring at The Bridge, but this is ridiculous.
* Poor Wayne Bridge - he's not even first choice with his his wife.
* Wayne Bridge bought Vanessa Perroncel a chocolate willy... but she says she prefers Terry's.
* John Terry has explained he didn't mean to have sex with Vanessa Perroncel - he just slipped while he was showing her how to take a penalty.

More Andy Carroll jokes!

Since it seems that people only comes here for Andy Carroll jokes, I've put up more compilation of it. Yes, this might lose it's relevancy soon (he just scores a last minute goal to guide Liverpool to a 3-2 win against Blackburn), but let's enjoy it while we can.

Anfield is invaded by a useless creature who bears no impact at all to the result of the game. It's - owh, please guys.

Liverpool bought a new player from Nigeria, Daglish then made a kicking motion with his leg and said "Kick."
Then he pointed to the goal and said "Goal. GOOAALL!"
"Kick. Ball. GOOAALL"
The Nigerian said "Sir, I'm able to speak English"
Dalglish replied "Sit down you bampot, I'm talking to Andy Carroll."

 What were the last words Andy Carroll heard from the club hypnotist before he transferred from Newcastle to LFC??? "Look into my eyes, not around my eyes, not to the left or to the right, but straight into my eyes....good, you are under my command..... if you want to make your mark at Liverpool, remember one thing and one thing only - Be Like Torres!"

 England manager Fabio Capello has warned Liverpool striker Andy Carroll to stop drinking unleaded fuel directly from the petrol pump or face a career playing for Aston Villa. The Italian told Carroll in a private conversation released to every press network in the world that his habit of bathing in fuelling stations was not only leading to a future of health problems but also, despicable, despicable hair.

 What do you call a Minotaur skating on ice? Andy Carroll trying to run.

 Kenny Dalglish reportedly turned down carol singers at his door over Xmas stating: "i've already spent too much money on a Carroll!!"

The internet community have decided to stop telling jokes about Andy Carroll..................................WHEN HE SCORES HIS NEXT GOAL.

 Aston Villa rejected Liverpool's (25million + Andy Carrol) bid for Darren Bent. They replied they only want the 25 million.

 FA have announced any Everton player found man marking Andy Carroll at Wembley will be booked for wasting time.

Finally, i have to offer my own opinion regarding all these jokes. All these jokes really crossed the lines.. unlike Andy Carroll's shots! Sorry lol, i can't resist.

A prayer for..

I would like to take a break from football, just to offer some prayers and condolences to the earthquake hit Acheh and Sumatra. The word now is that some cities are on alert status, thus we hope for the best situation possible. Things like this do take everything into perspective, and really: football ain't a matter of life and death. There are things more important, though we always tend to forget. Let's hope for the best outcome. Let's us pray.

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Messi! So good you can iron clothes on him!

This is Messi, the iron board. Seriously. You can Google it on the net. I don't know whether the brand has been around longer than our diminutive winger, but I'm sure that there are our products out there carrying the name of the best player on earth. Whether they have the misfortune of conceiving the name before the little Argentinian score buckets of goal past Iker Casillas, or they just take a look at him, and said "why not?". Fot instance, like this 9.5 inch piggy bank.

He ain't much taller, either.

How 'bout a Messi brand camping light? It could help you to get out of the thick woods.

Apparently Messi got his powers from these lanterns. And his weakness is the sky blue and white colors.

There are probably lots more out there, especially the products targeted to kids such as toy boxes and snacks. I would like to say that i have a crusade against piracy or some shit, but if those products made the world of a child happier in a third world country, then I'm all for shutting up.

Football? Soccer!

Football, is the most loved sport in the world, anywhere, everywhere. Well, that's statement is 95% accurate due to one country stance to reject everything about it - USA. To USA, it's soccer. Football is the oval thing played by macho men wearing oversized shoulder pads from the 80s. Soccer is a game played by moms and their daughters. They even had the "soccer moms" moniker for.. well, soccer playing moms. At other places, soccer induces bar brawl, fighting amongst hooligans and full on riot. In other words, badasseries. In USA, it induces after match tea parties and probably sing-along gatherings.

These people are badasses.

 Why does the USA rejects soccer the way they do? Does they still think that the whole world is better than them? USA got a fairly good placing last time around at the 2010 World Cup, and it looks like they are improving. They are in the best eight in 2002. Yet  they still hates it.

In America they like sports that stops every three seconds.

Well, until i can figure the real reason for it, i'm just gonna assume that it's just something that is passed down from generations to generations. It's just the same way that we view American Football in disdain, how gay we think American Football is. LOL. Come on guys, you are getting better and though i can't say there are world class players from USA, there are a whole lot of good ones out there.

Top XI of Handsome S.O.B to grace the football pitch

I've done my share of top(bottom?) ughliest player before, but let's give this feature a glance. This players were so handsome, that they are more known for being handsome(this is getting douchier by every word) rather than their playing skills. In fact, you probably already guess a few of their identities, particularly one right midfielder. So since handsomeness is only skin deep, it's appropriate that each position will only be accompanied by an accompanying picture, rather than deep meaningful words.

Tho i tried to take liberties with the article by including players no one ever heard of in the first place, in the end i decide that they have got to be relevant as well. I do believe that all these featured players have the skill sets to match their looks. No wonder they are - wait for it a cliche is on the way - scoring on and off the pitch.

GK: Iker Casillas

Tell me that you don't wanna be this guy. Tell me that and I'm gonna disown you from any relationship we had going on, since you are BS-ing me. Unless you are Victor Valdes, which i can truly understands.

 CB: Fabio Cannavaro

Friggin' Italians. Why weren't we born with such perfectness? Instead of the above, our WAGS have to make do with the eyesore that is us.

CB: Gerard Pique

It seems that the order of the day here is either shirtless or suits. Pique looks good in both, evidently he's shagging Shakira.

CB: Sergio Ramos

This guy is a beast on the playing field. I'm not sure whether he's a beast off it too, since I obviously never had sex with him. From the picture above, he looks ready to kill a lady anytime now.

RM: David Beckham

The less said about the player who kickstart the whole celebrity footballer thing is better. He obviously had all those underwear pics, which i'm not going to use to prevent this page from being a full blown gay website. Handsome, handy on the right side, and apparently a nice and humble guy.

DM: Scott Parker

Weird selection? Maybe. He looks like he didn't belong in these celebrity footballer thing, as he's more of a leader and a warrior for club and country. Look at the wording in the picture. Scott Parker - RARE BREED. Indeed.

CM: Yoann Gourcuff

Okay, he might not have hit the ground running in recent seasons, but there's no doubt he deserves his place in this article.

AM : Kaka

Another one shirtless Real Madrid player. Christ, don't you guys ever train?

LM : Cristiano Ronaldo

Refer the David Beckham entry. Minus the humble part.

SS: Alessandro del Piero

Apparently, he's still playing today. What will he do after retirement? He could have a good career in acting. Or he could be the stylish manager Juventus desperately needed to get middle age housewives to watch their matches.

CF: Batistuta

Thankfully, no more shirtless pic. This entry is already highly radiated by toxic latent homo-eroticism. Here's Batistuta, who is already HANDSOME before David Beckham realize it. Pity he didn't play in the current era. His looks would be the perfect middle finger to all celebrity footballers who cares more about their looks.

So, anyone else i missed? Oh, how about the manager for this side? There's some candidate but i'm gonna go with him:

Herve Renard is cool. Look at those jeans and shirts. Eat your heart out, Mancini. Then there's the fact that he won the African Cup with lowly Zambia, beating Ivory Coast and Ghana along the way. There's also the fact that he's the most likely to be your Patrick Dempsey out of these bunch.

Mario Balotelli jokes!

Remember the Andy Carroll jokes? Well i've stumbled upon some Mario Balotelli jokes on the net, and i'm in a merry mood to share 'em around! Plus, it's a good excuse to put up this picture:

That fine lady, is the WAGS (or WOGS?) of Balotelli, dear readers. ONE OF THEM, to be precise. So now go cry in the corner of your room and reflect upon your life on why you would never gonna tap an ass like that, but Balotelli would time and again.

First of all, Mario the thinker:
Mario’s thoughts on Fireworks:
The more you can store in one bathroom the better.

Mario’s thoughts on Halloween:
Get a pumpkin, put it on your head and hide in a wardrobe. It can take a while for the reveal but the rewards are worth it.

Mario’s thoughts on Sir Alex Ferguson:
He’d look hilarious strapped to a mountain board on the M6 behind my Ferrari…

Mario’s thoughts on marriage:
How many Playboy chicks could you fit down one aisle? Has anyone ever tried that?

Mario’s thoughts on Manchester:
A great place to store tyres. You’ll see what they’re for in good time…

Manchester City dick Mario Balotelli has confirmed that despite a summer of rest, he still intends to continue his streak of being a dick long into the 2011-12 Premier League season. The player was substituted this weekend after trying what can only be described as a ‘piece of crap’ in front of goal whilst taking on LA Galaxy in a pre-season friendly. Instant replays showed Roberto Mancini uttering the phrase ‘**&$$! you &&+”$$**** what a &&%$$*** waste of &&^%**** money.’

Want away Manchester City striker Mario Balotelli has left 15 years worth of England backroom staff absolutely gobsmacked, after claiming the reason he doesn’t celebrate goals is because he feels ‘it’s a strikers job to score.’ Having closely studied the rule book since, current England boss Fabio Capello immediately apologised to the public for picking forwards based on their ability to win headers, fall over and miss penalties.
The Italian coach said ‘I feela embarrassed. Whya no one tell me this? I thoughta we beata the Germany because we fall over more. Now I see whya FIFA say we out.’ Capello went on to suggest that if more managers were aware about Balotelli’s revelation Emile Heskey would probably be a ‘really good plumber right about now.’
The ex Inter Milan star Balotelli is said to be homesick in Manchester and City boss Roberto Mancini has blamed his poor attitude on the fact he’s struggling to settle in Manchester. He told press ‘if you had to live in Manchester everyday you’d probably wear the same expression. Mario based his move on the fact that he liked Oasis. But like most Oasis fans when he got a bit closer he realised that he shouldn’t like Oasis. Because it’s all a bit samey and s***.

Balotelli suffers from what psychologists call “Nicklas Bendtner syndrome” – Mario genuinely believes he’s the best player the world has ever seen.

Arsenal 1-0 Manchester City

The actual time that i start typing this entry would be in the 2nd minute of the first half extra time. So like my previous entry, this would probably be another rant about the match rather than a structured commentary. A real time rant that i would publish directly without any editing at the end of the match.

At the time of writing this paragraph, the first half has just ended and the game is deadlocked, both team scoreless. Arsenal are the more threatening team in the first half, coming up with better chances. The main point for the first half would be that Mario Balotelli is still on the pitch when he shouldn't be after a horrific tackle on the shin which luckily didn't injure Alex Song.

Anyone who didn't wanna punch him is my mortal enemy.

In the 14th minute, Van Persie had a penalty shout waived away by the referee. It almost make me think, whether the referee really is a closet Spurs. Decision after decision went City's way, luckily the referee did issue Balotelli a yellow card after another foul. Boy, Mario is really pushing his luck isn't he?

Another point of discussion is Samir Nasri. You know the classic cliche, star moved to a rival club, get booed upon return. Nasri certainly weren't spared here. Every touch were greeted with choruses of boo, and to his credit, he didn't let it go to him. Instead he kept on playing with this smile on his face:

Picture this face next time you gonna boo a rival player.

The second half is gonna start any moment now - and the ball has just been kicked. Silva isn't playing and Toure (Yaya) has been substituted in the first half. That makes City depraved of their two best players. Arsenal on the other hand, have a virtually full squad on hand, with the Ox waiting on the bench.

So now i'm waiting for something interesting to happen. One thing that struck me is that Clichy didn't receive the same treatment reserved by the fans for Nasri. No boos, probably only a chorus of meh from the home crowd.

The collective Arsenal fans when Clichy touch the ball.

52nd minute. A header that went over the ball from Aguero after a teasing ball from Nasri (boos). Arsenal is taking back possession now (55th minute, i just spend three minute attaching that pic of lolcat). Kieran Gibbs has just been substituted for Andre Santos,and Mini Gerrard has just been yellow carded.

It's quite interesting to see this match between two teams with different style of playing. City generally tries to get the ball upfront as fast as possible, reminiscence of German World Cup 2010. Arsenal on the other hand, move the ball around more because you know, Wenger.

He's so artsy, even his photo is in monochrome filter.

59th minute. Andre Santos turn to be yellow carded. Wow. Four minute ago he's on the bench and he have one foul to his name already. Since then, nothing of importance had happened until RVP scored an offside goal in the 70th minute. Nothing controversial. He's already offside and it's already out of play.

73rd minute. Arsenal is attacking (meaning they are moving the ball around in City's half). And in the 75th minute, the most WTF moment of the match. Arsenal hit the post, and from the rebound, Benayoun managed to miss from two feet. Seriously, guys? As i am posting this right after the match end, i won't have the vid, but please look it up later.  Seriously, you won't believe the miss.

78th minute. Benayoun got punished for that miss by being substituted with Aaron Ramsey. Nasri was also subbed, Alexander Kolarov taking his place. So is City playing for a draw, or does Mancini has a specific instruction for Kolarov?

82nd minute. TEVEZ is warming up. Whoa, whoa. He's the man City turns to now. With eight minute left, he's taking Aguero place. Just why didn't Mancini play both of them together in front of Nasri?  Remember, Man Utd won earlier and there's an eight point gap between them. They should really throw caution to the wind and went for broke. Arsenal also made their own substitution, Walcott (he's been playing the entire match?) going off for the Ox.

GOOOOOOOOALLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!! Arteta scored with a shot from outside the area in the 86th minute after robbing the City defence of possession! And that almost is totally against the run of play. Joe Hart is shown on the screen kicking the goal post in anger. The title is slipping away from them. There's few minute left to salvage their season.

89th minute. It's really the end for Manchester City. Balotelli receive a second yellow card for (another) stupid foul on Sagna. Wow, it's his 22nd yellow card for the club in 59 games. Swallow that fact for a moment. Four minute of extra time is added to the match, and the match is currently in frantic final minutes mode.

93rd minute. City final chance. They've got a free kick and yes, i'm really a fast typer. Tevez looks like he's gonna take this free kick, but Kolarov takes it instead. Which ended up nowhere in the thick Arsenal wall. Arsenal  even had time for one counter attack, with Ramsey fluffing a shot over the bar.

And the match ended at 96th minute mark, with Arsenal back at third spot. There's an eight point gap between United and City now, and truthfully the title is now the Devil's to lose. Arteta has made a crucial difference to Arsenal's season, and his contribution will go a long way toward helping the Gooners forget a certain Catalan. So it's Arsenal 1, Man City nil. And now it's time for me to write that score as the header for this post. Adieu, Mancini.

Liverpool 1 - 1 Aston Villa in match reaction

As i was writing this entry, the Liverpool vs Aston Villa game were playing on my TV. It's the 78th minute, and Aston Villa were winning by a single solitary goal. This might not be relevant in the future, but at the time of writing, Liverpool might be the sorriest team at the moment.

What is the point of me writing an article about an unfinished game? It's because I'm trying to prove a point. Now it's the 82nd minute and Liverpool have just scored a goal through Luis Suarez. There you go, Andy Carrol just blast another header over the bar. Now it's tied at one all, but Liverpool didn't look like winning the game. I don't know why, but for all the optimism and the attack.. ooh, a stat just flashed at the screen. Liverpool have 18 shots over Aston Villa's 1. Okay, for all Liverpool attack and pressure, it all just looks like they just repeatedly directed hopefuls puns towards the goal.

88th minute. Shay Given just saved another Liverpool header. By that, it's not a spectacular save or anything. Just a routine one. Now, I'm waiting for the referee to blow the whistle so i can write the result as the header for this article. Dang. 5 minutes of extra time has just been given. Looks like i have to wait a little while longer.

The point that I'm trying to prove is that Liverpool won't win this game. Wow - Hollywood Gerrard had just directed a fireball towards Shay Given. Which is saved, anyway. Okay, now it's the 94th minute. One more minute to go. Which way will this match go? Shay Given is taking a huge free kick which end up in the opposite stand.  Now the ball is going to and fro. Christ, doesn't both team ever string three pass together?

Okay, the match had just end. I made my point. Liverpool doesn't know how to win anymore. It's their own ground, and they didn't won. King Kenny, explanation@excuses please?

Top XI of One Man Club

Loyalty is a rare commodity in football today, as a transfer usually means more money for a player. Back before Bosman, there are quite a few one man club around. Of course, there are less money available for a club to retain a player they've groomed from the academy back then. Now, Barcelona and Real Madrid are able to retain Casillas and Messi for infinity by offering money and demigods status.

Let set aside the money vs loyalty argument. Here, i'll try to compile a list of players who've served only one club in their respective careers. For the sake of reducing arguments, i won't include those who's still playing as they might suddenly moved to another club just to annoy the hell out of me (hence the absence of Casillas, Terry, Xavi, Carragher - eventhough i'm willing to bet that they'll stay).

For the purpose of this article, I'll use the in vogue formation at the moment, 4-2-3-1 with a double volante. It's hard to accommodate all these greats into a single working formation, so let's just turn a blind eye to the functionality of this lineup.So starts with;

Goalkeeper : Lev Yashin

The first of the Russian great tradition of goalkeepers, Lev Yashin stayed with his beloved Dynamo Moscow throughout his career. He won the USSR football championship five times and the USSR Cup three times in his stint there (1950 -1970), not to mention a host of cool nicknames; "The Black Spider", "The Black Octopus", ans "The Lion". Now eat that, Iker. That's way cooler than Saint Iker.

Rightback: Gary Neville

"Yeah! There's no Kopites in this article!".

Now a respected/loathed pundit. Before that, he was the vocal outlet for all Manchester United fans, very open in his disdain towards Liverpool. One of Fergie's Fledgelings,he was capped --- times by England and though the most unspectacular of all his Academy peers who made it, he gets the nod as the only fledgeling to be in this list (remember, bosom buddies Giggs and Scholes hasn't retired yet).

Centreback: Thomas Schaaf

His kingdom.

A one club man as a player, who later coached the only club he plays for. A centreback for trade as a player, and a cavalier adventurous coach. Schaaf played in 281 top flight games retiring in 1994 at the age of 33. During his time with his only club, he helped the Hanseatic outfit win two national championships. He was always destined to be the manager of the club; he starts by coaching the U17s and U19s as early as 1987, eight full years before he retired, and was player/assistant manager for two years!

Centreback: Tony Adams

In the sequel to this article, John Terry will take his place someday.

Centerback, captain, alcoholic, poet, recovering alcoholic, coach, manager - he's pretty much done everything. There's never really a possiblity for Tony to quit Arsenal after he joined as a fresh faced youngster. He was the John Terry of his time (in term of playing style, not the dickwad superstar), full of defensive glory, willing to sacrifice his body for club and country. After his Portsmouth adventure, he might not (ever) have the chance to manage Arsenal, but the neutrals in all of us will him to at least be at the club, maybe as a coach.

Leftback: Who else? Paolo Maldini

There's really no one else for this position, isn't it? And even if there is, i doubt that they would be able to take this spot from him. Cups after cups after another freaking cups, made the LB spot his own for club and country, the only blot in his career is only in the international arena. So good that his shirt stank of Armani after a game.

Defensive Midfield: Claude Puel

Seriously, i can't find any pic of him as a player. Sic, excuses.

 The younger generations might know him better as his recent incarnations as a manager, but he was also the defensive manager of AS Monaco for 17 years. Before being appointed as the manager of Monaco in 1999, he was the physical trainer and manager of the Monaco's reserve team. He managed to win Ligue Un as a manager in 2000, adding to the mythical status he enjoyed at the club. His 24 year alliances with AS Monaco ended in 2002, only because the club refuse to renew his contract.

Defensive Midfield: Franco Baresi

I dare you to punch him and outrun him over a football pitch.

 More known as a centerback, he also play as an attacking midfielder in a team of Catenaccio defenders. In 1999, Baresi was voted AC Milan Player of the Century and is widely regarded as one of the finest defenders of all time. He won six league title and three European Cups, and just so no one would ever take his place in Milan's history, the club retired his number 6 jersey in his honor. That's why nowadays Milan defenders have ridiculous number on their back. Another thing is that the picture above is taken when he was 12. He still looks the same now. Okay, that was retarded and i take it back.

Right Winger: Piet Keizer

Now famous for unwilling to kick a ball.

The man who wasn't Cruyff 364 matches for Ajax from 1961 to 1974, making him is the fourth most capped player for Ajax (in terms of league appearances). With him playing, Ajax won the European Cup three consecutive time. His only flaw might be the way he always conduct himself, keeping silent over Cruyff endless suggestions and demands and always accepting being the second fiddle to; pretty much everyone. Oh, and that cigarette habit

Left Winger:Lars Ricken

Tell me that doesn't look like Mario Goetze.

 A fairy tale in his own right. As a  boy, he  from rises academy football to help Dortmund win the Chamipions League (yes, it's possible back then dear young readers) with goals as supersubs. The skilled midfielder represented Borussia Dortmund during his entire professional career, which spanned 15 years.He was also the youngest debutant for the club before Nuri Sahin broke that record. Now, he' one of Dortmund football academy youth coordinator,with his spirits and legacy apparent in the young team that won the league in 2011.

Attacking Midfield: Matt Le Tissier

Celebrating yet another penalty.

Le Tissier is the second-highest ever scorer for Southampton behind Mick Channon and was voted PFA Young Player of the Year in 1990. He was also the first midfielder to score effing 100 goals in the Premier League and is also competent at taking penalty kicks, converting from the spot 47 times from 48 attempts.
Take note of that, present England players! Despite being mega talented and with offers pouring in his direction, the 'God' stay true to his club. In a nation where power player who runs all the time are the rage, Le Tissier is always underappreciated. Perhaps, the best compliment come from an outsider at the other end of the footballing spectrum, Xavi. "His talent was simply out of the norm. He could simply dribble past seven or eight players but without speed - he just walked past them. For me he was sensational". Class.

Striker: Santiago Bernabeu Yeste

Somewhere, Mourinho is planning a scheme to get it renamed after him.

 Finally, the lone striker. Okay kids, that's an actual person there, whose name the stadium is named after. Take some time to swallow that before you accept that your feat for your school team wouldn't ever moved your headmaster to name the whole freakin' after you. Santiago Bernabeu serves Real Madrid from 1912 to 1927, and it is really him who build the foundation for that five successive European victory. He continued to be associated with the club until 1935, first as a director, before becoming assistant manager and finally manager of the first team. Look at the picture above. That is the stadium. Why is it such a small thumb pic? Because no matter how big is it, it will always be small in comparison to the great man in the pic below.

Pictured : awesomeness.

Andy Carrol Jokes

I've just discovered that like Chuck Norris jokes, there are a host of Andy Carrol jokes out there as well. These are mostly created by Everton supporters, thus the degradatory nature of the jokes. Nevertheless, these are few of the best.

• The FA have brought in a new ruling. Anyone found passing to Andy Carroll will automatically receive a yellow card for time wasting.
• Liverpool have offered to sell Andy Carroll back to Newcastle for free. Newcastle have reported Liverpool for threatening behavior.
• Andy Carroll has revealed the t-shirt he has been wearing since he last scored, ready for when he scores his next goal. It says 'Save The Chilean Miners!"
• Subway have announced they no longer plan to name a sandwich after Andy Carroll due to cost issues. It would just be an expensive sub.
• There was a knock on my door this evening. When i answered there was a bunch of fat kopites singing 'He'll shoot, he'll score, he'll break your missus jaw.....'     Bloody Carroll singers.
• Andy Carroll and Steven Gerrard are excited about pairing up to form a strong attacking partnership.........They will be a real handful for any team of bouncers in Liverpool's nightclubs.
• Andy Carroll has turned down being the new face of L'oreal hair products as everyone burst into fits of laughter everytime he uttered the words "Because I'm Worth It!"
• Andy Carroll-The biggest waste of money since fat birds with nice haircuts.

Andy Carroll, Newcastle 2 Liverpool 0

Andy Carroll walks into a bar and orders a pint. "That's £35 million pounds please" says the barman. "You've got to be joking?" says Carroll. "Funny, that's what i said when i saw your transfer fee" says the barman.


Out of all Andy C,arroll jokes out there, this might be the most appropriate since it's basically the boy returning to his hometown after his multimillion pound transfer. Andy Carroll, the local boy made good, was yellow-carded for diving in the penalty area, and was being jeered by the home fans whenever he touched the ball.

His statement before the match that he won't celebrate if he score was made redundant; the Magpies was singing Andy who throughout. Probably the best contribution that Carroll made to Newcastle were the 35 million pound received that enable them to buy Cabaye, Cisse et al.

Papiss Cisse got a succesive brace to help Newcastle maintain its push for Europe. Cisse has scored seven in seven games since joining the Magpies in January. Compare that to last year big January transfer (no, not Torres. Though that didn't work out greatly as well).

Pepe Reins 82nd minute dismissal add to the misery as Liverpool end the match with 10 men, with Jose Enrique (guess where Liverpool sign him from) going into goal as Liverpool run out of subs. He will miss the Merseyside derby, against an Everton side who had just leapfrog them to 7th place.

One of these two club could do well to get a reality check and dispell with all the myth they believe about themselves. Perhaps once they do, they will rise again.